What does a modern, healthy platonic relationship look like, and how do we keep it that way?

 

On the topic of a platonic love or friendship slash relationship… I more often than not ask the questions: “Is such a thing possible?” Does “not acting” on one’s desire deem a friendship as being platonic just for the sake of not acting on it? Or does it mean that over and above all, two individuals from the opposite sex (or same sex) cannot fathom the idea of not feeling some sort of way about the other?

I mean, I for one am a considerably amicable individual, but how does one know that the other party involved feels the SAME way? The way in which the nature of a relationship is just that, -friendship.

I for one; prefer the company of the opposite sex. All reasons that are distinctly different to the other. However the question still stands, do they feel the same way?

Here are a few things to consider in an attempt to make a relationship as such potentially “work”:

-Start with the difficult conversations.

Realism. That’s all. What could be easier than making ones intention clear from the get-go?

This for one eliminates the possibility of potential tension that could conceivably result in the subsequence of a failed friendship due to a misunderstanding or just plain miscommunication.

While you should never act on it, it is sometimes worth acknowledging to yourself that this does form part of what makes the platonic friendship work so well.

–Trust yourselves.

Yup. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. Do you trust yourself fully to commit to just that? Friendship? If yes, the tough part is out of the way.

All possibilities aside, have trust in your decision. After all, it was made for a reason.

We are after all responsible for our own decisions. Regardless of the circumstance. With that being said; believe in what is and trust both parties involved to maintain and fulfil platonic compact.

-Create CLEAR ground rules.

It is considerably better. That’s it. Transparency is key.

As mentioned, intention is everything. I for one believe that what one puts into the universe materialises way more rapidly if it is welcomed.

So with that, ground rules are an important thing to consider. Therefore it is much better to make it clear; crystal clear that it would be much better to have a friendship that matters, for whichever reason; be it; work or study pressures, current relationship status or religion of any kind. Watching out for one another and spending time together is of most importance and that friendship is all that remains.

-Pas d’attentes? …as the French say…

Translated: “No expectations”.

Part of what discerns platonic from romantic love is the infamous act of expectation. (Looouuudder for those in the back).

Yup. That’s all there is to it really. expectation, expectation, and more expectation.

Platonic agreements doesn’t get held in the same regard and high standard as said relationship for many reasons. Reasons candidly of which does not require sharing a home, kids, or pet’s maybe? -You’re close, (and potentially) lifelong friends.

-Conclusively… It’s not complicated, no REALLY.

Platonic agreements will always be part of the human condition, I mean. We survive by investing in social doings. All-in-all we award different values to every person we meet, and we love each one in a matchless way. While love might be fraught with complexities, platonic love is the one place where you can definitively say: “it’s not complicated”.

Case in point? As Aristotle so eloquently puts it:

“Friendship is a thing most necessary to life, since without friends no one would choose to live, though possessed of all other advantages.“

Even a bad day has only twenty-four hours.

I’ve always found comfort in the eloquence of words.

It’s amazing how discovering words of encouragement or staggering across a mere saying could potentially revert your bad mood into a good one.

Although I’m not entirely sure that this is the case for everyone else, it surely is the case for me more often than not.

Myself in a nutshell; I’d say that I’m a hoarder of some sorts – In the most peculiar way possible. What I mean by that is that in terms of coming across the beauty of language, I always find myself storing beautiful quotes or excerpts that I feel might be deemed as some sort of importance throughout my days.

Here are a few that manages to tuck on my heartstrings ever so often:

“Don’t ever criticize yourself. God wasn’t having a bad day when he made you… If you don’t love yourself in the right way, you can’t love those around you . You can’t be as good as you are supposed to be if you don’t embrace who you are.” -Joel Osteen

“Everyone has bad days, and when you’re having a bad day, you think, ‘Here I am being singled out by a hostile, malicious universe that is picking exclusively on me.’ And then you read a book about bad days and realize they happen to everyone, not just tormented, persecuted you.” – Judith Viorst

” My theory on life is that life is beautiful. Life doesn’t change. You have a day, and a night, and a month, and a year. We people change – we can be miserable or we can be happy. It’s what you make of your life.” – Mohammed Bin Raashid

” Do everything with so much love in your heart that you would never want to do it any other way.” – Unknown

” You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen. ” -Paulo Coelho

These are but a few that doesn’t fail to leave a slight smile on my face and somewhat warm fuzzy feeling in my soul.

As long as we are able to tell ourselves that good things happen, love is real & we will all be okay… There’s nothing, I believe that we’re not able to overcome.

Everyday can be a starting point.

Each day, should be considered as being an addition to your book where you are given 365 pages whereby one reflects on the good, the not so good; and what lesson you may take away from it so that the next page is slightly better.
We all love extraordinary transformations. Especially after having experienced something slightly challenging or something tremendously difficult. Our first instinct is to make a rapid change and decide then and there that from there on out things will flow easily.
Oftentimes, a rash decision is not usually the way to go about promoting good change, with that being said more often than not we invest in rash decisions so that we still feel as though we have some sort of control so that the “tough stuff” phases out gradually.

I stumbled across a book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and extracted a few rather fitting and profound points made throughout the book; pertaining to the notion of new beginnings, fresh starts,  or positive positioning –call it what you may…

Here goes…

“There is no such thing as a hopeless situation. Every single circumstance of your life can change”

“Instead of focusing on the world’s problems, give your attention and energy to trust, love, abundance, education and peace”

“Ninety-nine percent of who you are is invisible and untouchable.”

“Every idea from your thoughts is the real thing, its strength”

“Decide what you want. Believe you can have it. Believe you deserve it. Believe it is possible for you.”

“Everything sent out returns to the source –you.”

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”

“You have the power to change anything, because you are the one who chooses your thoughts…”

“Treat yourself with love and respect, and you will attract people who show you love and respect.”

With that being said, one must be eager to get rid of the life one has planned, to attain the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new skin can emanate.

 

The important lessons 2017 has taught me.

As 2017 comes to a close many of us take time to reflect upon the year. The could have’s, the should have’s and the would have’s.

I for one am not a reflector of note, however sometimes it is good to see where you went wrong (or right) and how to improve from there on out.

2017 has been a ridiculously tough one! However there are always lessons to take from the tough times 🙂

“‎Though nobody can go back and make a new beginning… Anyone can start over and make a new ending.” 
― Chico Xavier

Nobody REALLY knows your story

And nor do you really know theirs. Be kind, always. Don’t judge if you can help it – we are all doing the very best we can and we all have our troubles to face when we turn out the lights at night. If you can start each day seeing everyone without judgement and with fresh eyes, you will make decisions that come from the heart.

Good friends are measured by quality not quantity.

I have always been an amenable individual. I have also found that people tend to be drawn to me because I generally project an energy that rarely is projected these days.

However, the sad reality is that people are not always there for as you are for them. Its as honest as that, thus taking me back to the notion of appreciating quality over quantity.

Friendship is not measured by how many people are wanting to be around you ALL THE TIME, but it is measured by the meaningful, genuine and compassionate people you choose to keep company with; those are the people you need to get through the TOUGH STUFF.

Every person is fighting their own battle.

Be kind. that’s all.

Oftentimes the TOUGH STUFF, brings us down and may keep us there to a point where seemingly it seems there is no return.

In all honesty, everyone is going through something difficult. It really costs nothing to simply just “Be there” for someone who may not even know that they need it at that point in time.

Some people will hate every part of you.

But others will LOVE every part of you -so whose really winning?  If you are loved by everyone, it means you’re doing SOMETHING wrong. So in essence, all we should do in instances as such is to accept things and move on.

It’s okay to take time out.

Sometimes we need to recuperate. I literally feel exhausted after a day of being fully energised (Someone call the fun police). Interacting with people all day and taking the time to ensure that everyone is okay should be considered a job.

However it is easy to get engulfed in a routine as such. With that, oftentimes you have to remind yourself that you matter too, that its okay to take time out and take a “chill pill”, just to metaphorically keep all of your marbles in tact.

Everybody you come across probably wants the same thing in life.

And whats that? Pure and utter happiness. It is as simple and as complicated as that.

Relationships can be dumb and stupid

Generally, I think that in this aspect it is where you learn SO much about yourself. You experience so much, so fast that sometimes you’re not even aware about what is happening around you. Sometimes you’re oblivious to the bullshit but if you’re not? Kudos to you! So in essence, some people are over and above a waste of time and effort (and space) for no logical reason.  But eventually you’ll realise that it ultimately taught you a lesson and you can dust yourself off from the mess they left behind.

…more importantly though;

LOVE. Love love Everything around you. 

Always let your heart SWELL with love and gratitude even when the whole world is falling apart. Feel for those who can’t feel. Love strangers. Don’t become desensitized & MOST importantly love yourself.

 

 

 

 

The death of conversation.

Living in the age of technology and convenience, it’s easy to become accustomed and dependent on the excessive usage of our smartphones, devices, tablets and such with that being said, we have invested our time in communicating so much differently in contrast to how we would have ten plus years ago.

Understandably so, we use various sorts of technology as a means of communicating far more efficiently than in earlier times, and why not? It’s convenient, it’s easy and you get on about your day! 
However, is it safe to say that this entire concept has resulted in us not REALLY communicating efficiently as we used to when technology wasn’t really a nearly important “thing”?

Furthermore Im not at liberty to shun the idea or the perusal of technology specifically, as I too depend on it for various reasons or to simply “get things done” efficiently; however, it still does not obliviate the fact that our devices facilitate our lives, and quite frankly I believe it is making people seriously dull…

It seems as though we are all equally guilty of being really keen on connecting with the world to a point where we fail to connect with those who are most important to us, at that exact particular point in time.
It’s become such a normality to document EVERYTHING that we lose sight of the bigger picture, that is admiration and pure enjoyment of the moment.
With that being said, social interactions has gotten to a point where we’re publicising whatever it is we’re doing at the time rather than actually “being there” and thoroughly enjoying the present moment. 

All-in-all: conversation my people; is the initiation of hopes, dreams, appreciation and the instance of just being present; it’s as simple and as complicated as that. I mean, who wouldn’t find enjoyment in that? If anything I personally think that engaging in a meaningful and fruitful important conversation is a delight! And equally stimulating as well. 

These guys said it best:

The most fruitful and natural exercise for our minds is, in my opinion, conversation. -Michel de Montaigne

A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet. -Truman Capote

This is a really interesting topic of discussion! Below find a really endearing and informative article by James Butler:

Has technology killed our ability to have a face-to-face conversation?

Be kind to yourself & others.

No one teaches you to be kind to yourself -regardless of how important that actually is.
We spend most if not all of our time by ourselves, and being in a good or bad space in essense paves the way for how we treat ourselves.
Taking it upon myself, people go through various things on a daily basis, facing things we get thrown with when it is least expected.
This makes everyones experience or definition of being kind to oneself -different.
But nonetheless, the way in which you are kind to yourself does not make it better or worse than anothers’.
What I can advise is this:

Do things that calms the storms within- even if it means people do not agree with your method. Do what works for you!
Embrace change. Although everyone does not exactly enjoy change, at times it is painful BUT may be rewarding in the end.
Do things for you and you only. Yes, its totally okay to be selfish sometimes! Especially when things are being done for yourself, to better or enhance the person you are; make the time to do so.

Be sensitive though. Everyone does not deal with thing the same way as you do, its important to be sensitive to the feelings of those around you. Its a blessing to be kind to the next person -you do not know what battle they may be facing.

From the top of my head, being kind is not always easy. Whether it be to yourself or the people you are surrounded by. What is important to note though is that as long as we TRY to be kind, the world automatically becomes a better more bearable place.

Upon thinking about the importance on kindness, and researching what everyone elses perception or stance on it is I came across this beautiful poem by Naomi Shihab Nye which I thought may be worth the share:

Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken will stare out the window forever.
Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans and the simple breath that kept him alive.
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoe
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.”
Whatever you do, be kind; ALWAYS

To fail or NOT to fail.

What are the chances of failing when you prepare well more often than not? If perhaps you have all of the required resources available to succeed? Zero, right? The problem with constantly surpassing expectations, and thriving is that by design you are NOT allowed to be unsuccessful in anything which you intend to pursue.

In a society whereby you are required to spiral upward without slipping, it becomes exhausting to always be positive; to be looking over your shoulder constantly and not be discouraged in the event that you do not succeed within the first attempt of wanting to get a task done.

Naturally, when one works hard, and does what is required of oneself, success generally follows, or rather that’s what the “work hard+do what you have to do” equation –amounts to. However believing what I believe, when something is meant for you, you would get it when you were intended to at that EXACT point in time, regardless of what the universe throws at you and in contrast, when something is not meant for you, well then that’s just that –it wouldn’t reach you even if its staring you in the face and there are no obstacles in the vicinity.

Some of the greatest influencers of the world reminds us that:

If one does not fail at times, then he has not challenged himself- Ferdinand Porsche

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time –Leo Tolstoy

Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes our courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave –Mary Tyler Moore

The biggest risk is not taking any risk… In a world that is changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks –Mark Zuckerberg

Over and above all, the lesson that may be taken from all of these “wise words” is that after failure, one prepares better, thinks better so that we may do better. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with failing the first ten times, what matter is that with perseverance and will power you may do whatever you set your mind to.

As Robert Schuller stresses, I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed, with that being said, it’s better to consistently work on yourself, your growth, thought processes and the way in which you adapt and work with your circumstances and challenges which would overall improve the way in which you do things so that you may improve yourself both mentally and pragmatically.

 

 

 

The search for EVERYTHING 🌌

A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that’s why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.

Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that’s why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest.

“Somehow, we’ll find it. The balance between whom we wish to be and whom we need to be. But for now, we simply have to be satisfied with who we are.” -Brandon Sanderson

I came across a quote by Robert A. Heinlein -which goes as follows “Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something”, which i found completely hilarious! But simultaneously relatable.

Ultimately, when on the search for a sense of self fulfilment, spirituality, contentment or absolute peace -the one thing to always bare in mind is that our thoughts and actions play a major role in where we end up.
What you think you become, and your actions define you in the end.

This is not meant to sound philosophical; but in all honesty deciding to progress and grow in which ever intended way, the decision to do so is the first step to ultimate success.

Remember – You matter too 🌸

More often than not, we get told “cheer up” “it will get better” “keep the faith” and the most chanted “what you project unto the universe is what you retrieve from it” -well yeah all of that is sort of true but what happens when you lose all of that faith? Or if things does not immediately “get better”?

We get told to suck it up. And the harsh reality is that sucking it up would probably be the best and smart thing to do… because ultimately negative vibes often fester and develops into something way more unnecesary and a waste of time.

So before we lose our marbles to a point of no return… and quite frankly im really close to losing them -lets keep the following in mind when on the verge of throwing in the towel:

Treat yourself like you’re worthy right now, even if you don’t believe it.
As said in my previous article, hey! You are doing the best that you possibly can kid!

So go ahead and make yourself feel worthy of the simple things in life. Whether this includes taking care of your body, by eating a healthy diet and exercising or dancing around the house with nothing but socks and an oversized t-shirt.

We have to engage in taking action and having a hand in achieving our dreams. By following our dreams, we contribute to creating a beautiful world.

And quite frankly -who wouldnt want the world to be anything but a beautiful place? So go on! Spread some of that sparkle

Surround yourself with positive people who love themselves and who treat you with love and respect.
I have learnt that wherever you go, regardless of the circumstances we as the human species -we best learn by observation. If we observe people who love themselves and who love and respect the people around them, we learn how to do the same.

WHEN you remove the negative apples growing in your garden GUESS WHAT? it no longer will follow you around.

Make it a point to reduce or eliminate the amount of toxins you ingest and the amount of time you spend with toxic people. By being around positive loving people, we come to believe that we’re worthy of love and respect.

Forgive others but MOST of all save some forgiveness for yourself.
The act of forgiving does not ideally mean that you are accepting that others treat you badly nor does it mean that you should tolerate and continue spending time and energy on someone who treats you terribly. Ultimately forgiveness is for you. It’s about letting go of the pain, liberating your self from the heaviness of holding a grudge. Furthermore, in order to love yourself, you need to forgive yourself for choices you’ve made. Simply, make the decision to try to do better every day.

Like Oprah once said (do not ask me when, where, how or why she said it… but trust me she said it!) It goes…

“Being good to yourself doesn’t have to include a calendar full of luxury spa treatments (though who are we to judge?). It simply means treating yourself as well as you’d treat a friend.”

And I couldn’t agree more! Find what works for you! Whether you enjoy running in the rain and letting your hair down, Or whether you simply just enjoy having a lazy day in with an amazing book and really warm fuzzy socks like I do? Either or… do what makes you feel like the best version of you…

 

You’re doing the best you can.

The great Brad Gast once said: No matter what happens, no matter how far you seem to be away from where you want to be, never stop believing that you will make it. Have an unrelenting belief that things will work out, that the long road has a purpose, that the things that you may desire may not happen today, but they will happen. Continue to persist and persevere he says.
We are often too hard on ourselves. Ridiculously so. We hardly even pay any mind to it…

When we are in tricky and uncomfortable situations or seeing ourselves as being in a bit of a pickle due to the relentless bullshit life seems to absolutely enjoy throwing at as, the words “stay positive” “better things are coming” or even the famous “good things come to those who wait” are thrown in the air and BOOM! everything is expectant to just ease up, fall into place and off we go. Right enough, those things are absolutely correct given the circumstance but ultimately the issue at hand is still causing worry and hovering and reminding us about it.

-So when you’re having a terrible day say “Hey I’m doing the best I can”

-If you meet or bump into someone and they’re having a bad day say “Hey, everything will work out justt fine, watch”

Do things that make you happy, or excites you… don’t deny yourself the simple pleasure that life has to offer 🙂

The photograph attached was when I myself was oblivious to it all life, love, disappointments and misfortune… that was exactly a year ago and boy can I just say? Things have gotten worse (and i hope that the humour was found in that statement).

But ultimately, the battle I choose to dwell in made me more headstrong, the disappointments encouraged me to always do better, no exceptions! And the misfortunes was a means of having to improve and not sulk when things go all the way to the South of France,

But know this the goal and ultimate key to a blissfully happy life, is to LOVE yourself,(the messy you, the extremely fatigued you, the perfect patty you, the too smart for my own good you) because no one will do that for you the way you need other than you would, Then in the end everything works out perfectly that way.